McSweeney's

I'm "Flexible Instruction Day," Formerly Known as "Snow Day"

Weekly Humorist

At Netflix, We're Taking Product Placement to the Next Level with New Film's All-Beverage Cast

Beauty Tips for Attracting a Republican Man

Holiday Songs Updated for the 21st Century

Jane Austen's Wastebasket

Had Enough of the Disney Parks? Then Visit Don Bluth Land!

Realistic Responses to Suggestive Song Lyrics

Reminder From Your Gym: Women's Navels Should Remain Covered

Slackjaw

Quotes From Little Tots Learning Center, A Film by Martin Scorsese

What Some People Hear Instead of "Happy Holidays"

Frazzled

Quiz: Glengarry Glen Ross Quote, or What Your Boomer Dad Would've Said if You'd Called and Asked Him to Drop off Something You Forgot at School?

Let the Battle of Day Camp Registration Commence!

Sleepover Hosting FAQ: Millennial Edition

My Kids Taking Song Lyrics Literally

My 10-Year-Old Son's Golden Globes Commentary

Backhanded Compliments I've Received Since Becoming a Mom

The Haven

I'm a Female Character in a Sex Comedy and My Life is a Nightmare

78 Percent of Gen Z Believe Anilingus Was Invented By Their Generation

Cheat Sheet for Cleaning and Organizing Your Home, According to Lifestyle Bloggers

An Open Letter to the Mom Who Wore a "We the People...are Pissed Off!" Sweatshirt to the Kids' Taekwondo Belt Test

Woman Instantly Regrets Bringing Her Recently Retired Husband Grocery Shopping

MuddyUm

What Your Favorite Flavor of Schnapps in College Says About You

Please Adopt a Dog in Need of a Home! (Provided You Meet These Simple Criteria)

Greener Pastures

Library Receipts You Found That Indicate the Patrons Had Some Shit Going On

Robot Butt

What Not to Include in Your Porch Holiday Treat Basket for Delivery Drivers

Little Old Lady Comedy

Things That are Thrilling as a Child But Terrifying as an Adult

Caroline Horwitz writes humor from Pittsburgh. She lives with her husband and kids, who are quickly approaching the age of finding her embarrassing instead of funny.